


Heartbeat

by TheVoidless



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: AU where Tord has some mental health issues, Betrayal, Delusions, Disorders, Explicit Language, Hallucinations, M/M, Psychosis, Red Army, Schizophrenia, Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, but it doesn't exist, lots of references to The End, oscillopsia, paranoid schizophrenia, subtle EddMatt, temporal lobe hallucinations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-02-09 23:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12898854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVoidless/pseuds/TheVoidless
Summary: They’re here.You can tell by the noise blaring from the code red sirens and the rhythmic thuds of your soldiers’ feet.Thud, thud, thud.It’s a fast-paced beat that they march to.Your base. It’s falling apart. Crumbling beneath your every step.-The Red Army is under attack from the Green Resistance. Tord goes with Pat and Pau to his bunker.Except none of it is real.Pat and Pau do their best to help him, but when that doesn't work out, they enlist Tord's old friends.





	1. Heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not any sort of health professional, nor do I have any expertise in the field. Everything is strictly fictional. Tord may be violent, but that is part of his character. Most mentally ill are not violent, contrary to popular belief. Just wanted to clear that up, thanks. :P

They’re here. 

You can tell by the noise blaring from the code red sirens and the rhythmic thuds of your soldiers’ feet. 

_Thud, thud, thud._ It’s a fast-paced beat that they march to.

Your base. It’s falling apart. Crumbling beneath your every step.

But it wasn’t just the Red Army base. This was the accumulation of all your greatest accomplishments. The prime example of what peace and beauty you could have brought the world. The climax of everything you wanted to achieve. 

Your dreams. Your future. Your life. 

But you continue out of your daze to… somewhere. Where are you going? You don’t know.

Your two right hand men catch up to you, taking your arms and leading you elsewhere. The floor seems to tilt on some unseen axis. Everything blurs, a spin of color and sound. It’s hard to walk, but you focus hard to keep yourself steady.

 _Boom, boom, boom._ They’re setting off explosives now.

“We’ve got you, Tord!” Pat shouts over the chaos. You hear his soothing voice like it’s echoed a mile away.

You nod, and you hold your personal gun closer to you. White walls and metal barriers fly past you as you go, and familiar hallway floors blur under your feet. Loyal soldiers crowd to their known exits, but you know they won’t make it. 

You have to help them, help your comrades survive this, but you can’t. You pull on Pat and Pau’s arms but they are relentless. You think you hear them tell you something. Their mouths are moving. No, you think they say. But you’re not sure.

Suddenly in front of you, the wall bursts in blinding light. The force nearly knocks you back, but you hold your own. Green flashes in front of you, and a white noise drowns out the dull shouting behind you. 

You take your gun and empty it on the men that stand before you, red immediately decorating the hallway. Their blood splays out into patterns. You swear you see the Red Army symbol there somewhere in the mess.

 _Thump, thump, thump._ Their bodies hit the floor like bags of bricks, falling down one by one in unison. You think they scream. You’re sorry you couldn’t hear it.

But once you think the pile of bodies couldn’t get any bigger, you run out of ammunition. A line of men continue to come at you, but you’re paralyzed on the spot. You know you need to run, you know you need to get out of there. There’s no hope. But something plants you on spot. A thought.

You look away. What if you just died here? There isn’t a point to live anymore, was there? 

Even since the beginning you didn’t deserve life. You abandoned your friends, and then you came back only to betray them. You took what was yours and you created the Army. But even that failed, and now your friends are coming back for you. Edd lead the Resistance. Perhaps the only way to redeem them was to just give in.

You blink. The hallway is empty. Scarred white walls blind you with the reflecting light. 

“Tord? Tord!” You feel hands on your shoulders, they’re shaking you. Who? Oh, right. 

Pau stands in front of you, concern written all over his face. He was always good to you. Maybe you can hold out, for just a little longer. For them.

“Pau, where…? The Resistance?” You choke out. You distantly realize your throat is dry, seeming to crack with every sound you make.

The man in front of you smiles sadly, “We need to get you to your room immediately, it’s the only way-”

“No. No, no, no Pau.” You shake your head, grabbing his arms with your stronger set. “I can’t go, not now. I have to save them Pau, I have to save them.”

Pau’s expression turns pained, “Just follow me.”

You’re sure he understands, so you watch his back and follow his every step willingly. But he’s not moving fast enough, not in these conditions. Why was he going so slowly? The building was coming apart, it was only a manner of minutes.

“Pau, we need to go faster,” you urge from behind. He turns to you with an odd look on his face. His eyes betray fear. “We’re not going to make it!”

Pau looks somewhere over your shoulder, and you turn to see Pat. You didn’t realize he was right behind you. The taller man smiles at you warmly, nodding. 

“Let’s go,” Pat says, and you sigh in relief.

It’s a warping maze of halls and passing rooms. A sick feeling overcomes you, a sort of fatigue and ache as you jog. At some point you have to close your eyes, the lights and the vertigo of the walls making your head spin. 

_Tap, tap, tap._ The three of you make noise with each step against tiled floor.

You don’t know how long it takes, but you end up in a room you don’t recognize.

It’s a small plain room, with a window in the back accompanied by a clock, bed, sink and toilet. You vaguely remember installing a bunker in the base, and assume this is what it is. You don’t really understand why there’s a window with natural light leaking through, but you’re sure it’s some technological advancement your scientists have kicked up to provide light to the underground. 

Pau enters, and you do too. You turn to see Pat close the door. There’s a click, and you know you’re safe for the time being.

But your body doesn’t like the fact that you’ve stopped moving. The floor starts to roll underneath you, and you lose your balance. What should have been solid concrete began to move in waves, creasing and folding back and forth. You hit the ground hard, but it’s a cushioned fall. 

Confused, you bring your hand to the ground, and press against it. It felt… padded?

“Pau, Pat? I’m not… Why is the floor of the bunker so soft? This can’t be right,” you say to them. Surely you were imagining a plush ground. “If it’s not strong enough, how will we hold against their explosives? They’ll be here in seconds!”

Your two trusted men exchange a look above you. Why did they look so concerned? Did you miss out on a briefing of a new and improved material? Did you forget?

“Tord,” Pau says kindly. “This is not a bunker. This is a seclusion room,”

He pauses for it to sink in. A seclusion room? For mentally ill people? 

_Tick, tick, tick._ The clock is so loud. 

“Hah,” you say. “Very funny. Now, tell me, is it some kind of proof material?”

Pat’s eyebrows narrow, “No, Tord. You’re sick. We’re going to help you.”

Pau nods next to him reassuringly, “It’ll be alright.”

Disbelief clouds your head. They couldn’t be serious.

“Comrades. I’ve known you for years! You’re kidding. You both know I’m fine. I have lead an entire army on my own. I can handle my own shit.”

Pat frowns, “We’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

They both start to head towards the door, but that was ridiculous. They’ll get themselves killed if they left the safety of the bunker. So you lunge from your spot on the ground, and you grab Pau by the ankles.

“I don’t know what kind of drugs both of you are on, but you are not dying on my watch. You can’t go out there! You’ve seen what it’s like! I won’t risk your lives.”

The ground starts to roll more violently under you, but you hold onto your fellow soldier with all of your willpower. Your army may die completely, but you can’t lose them, too. 

“Tord, please,” Pau looks at you, and now his voice sounds desperate. “Let go. This is already as hard as it is.”

You shake your head. “No. You can’t leave just to die.”

Then, as if the animated ground wasn’t enough, the whole place shook violently. Cracks began to fill the crevices of the walls. 

_Bang, bang, bang._ More gunfire from above. Shit. They were closing in.

You cling on with more pressure, sure that Pau couldn’t leave. Pat already has the door open, a foot out of the room.

“No! No, Pat, for fuck’s sake, don’t leave! You don’t understand,” you shout at him. “You’ll die out there!”

Pau takes the distraction to yank his foot out of your hold, but you can’t reach out anymore. He’s gone in an instant, and soon you’re left alone in the godforsaken bunker.

“NO!” You scream as loud as you can. “NO! FUCK! PAT! PAU!”

Darkness seeps into the corner of your vision, and soon you’re lying on the floor, groaning. It feels like every inch of your body weighed a ton, gravity forcing you down. You blink a few times to see the walls begin to peel from where they were, like paper. A tear escapes your eye.

 _Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum._ It was your heartbeat.


	2. Not for Long

You wake, gasping, with a pounding in your skull. You’re on the bed, but you don’t remember getting onto it. You pull the sheets away, letting them drop to the floor in silence.

You’re alone.

You bring yourself to the edge of the bed, glancing up at the clock. It read 11:33. Damn, did you really sleep for that long? When did you fall asleep?

Your eyes follow the clock to the corner of the wall. Getting up, you reach out to it. Weren’t there cracks here before? Fingers glide over an unblemished, plush fabric. They were padded walls, just like the floor.

Everything was still.

Rays of sunlight shine into your room, catching your attention. Curious, you get up to look through it. The frame was an inch higher than you’d like, forcing you to step up on the tips of your toes. 

You don’t know what to expect. If this really was the bunker, it would be some type of vent or passage for light. You had to be underground, there was no other way. 

But a different scene is painted before you. Through the glass you see a city skyline, tall buildings and cars and people. You’re perhaps on the fifth floor. The neighborhood below you looked like a dump. Abandoned, crumbled walls lay across the expanse, junk filled in the blanks. You look up to see industrial smoke in the air that passes through wispy clouds. That can’t be right. The bunker was supposed to be below, not above.

The creak of the door behind you sounds, and you spin to see Pat and Pau enter. Pat carries a food tray.

“Hey, Tord,” Pau says warily. “How are you doing? Sleep well?”

You have to stare at them for a second. There’s a wrench in your gut, telling you that this wasn’t right. But, of course. You recall them leaving you, walking out to their own deaths. 

“How are you still here? Did the Resistance not find you?” You slowly take a step back against the wall, pressing the palms of your hands against the cushions. “Did you kill the bastards?”

“Tord,” Pat states flatly. “You have to believe us. There is no Resistance.”

He places the tray of food on your bed, clearly seeing the discarded sheets. You see something cross his face, but you can’t pin it for any specific emotion.

“Eat what you can,” Pau says after you stay silent. You look from the food back to your two former loyal men. But could you still trust them?

They kept claiming that there was no Green Resistance, but you knew better. So what did it all mean? What were they hiding from you?

Shit. 

The truth is dumped onto you, and it’s suffocating.

They were obviously part of the Resistance now. There’s no way you can believe them. They must be brainwashed. And if you clearly were not in your bunker, that meant that Pau had lead you somewhere else. 

You were being held captive by your best soldiers, your best friends. In your own fucking base. This was sick and twisted, even for Edd’s standards. 

“When did it happen?” You whisper, barely audible. But they heard. “How? Did you not go down with a fight? Did you have to…”

You pause. A wave of emotion threatens to tear you apart, but you hold it back. Edd has taken everything away from you. Your Army, and now your only real friends.

Fuck him.

“Why did you leave me like this?” You start to raise your voice. You take a step forward. Towards the soldiers you thought you could trust with your life. The men you thought you loved like brothers.

You’re screaming at them now, “You fuckers left me, and now Edd has everything! He has the base, he has you, he has me.”

Another way.

“But not for long,” you say with determination. You can’t let Edd take everything. 

He can’t take you if you’re dead.

You lunge for the fork that lay on the food tray, fully intent on sticking it through your throat. Your hand grips the utensil with a shake, but as you pull it back to gain momentum, you know it’ll land true.

Pau and Pat are fast to react, though. They grab your arms and hold them back against you. You struggle, you really do. But even though you could take them on one by one, you can’t overpower them when it’s one against two.

You attempt to stab one of their hands with the fork, but they saw it coming, wrenching you into a lock that you can’t move in.

“I’m sorry, Tord,” you hear Pau strain behind you. Something cool and narrow enters your neck with a prick. A needle.

Your body begins to fail you, your muscles relaxing against your will.

“No,” you say as you fall to the ground, the men behind you slowly lowering you down. “I’m sorry I failed you…”

But you can’t speak. They drag you to your bed, laying you out. You can’t do anything now. You feel paralyzed, and you’re afraid. You’re scared of what will happen. 

They take out what you think are straps and tie them to the bed, then to your arms and legs. It’s hard to see in your peripheral vision, but you can feel it, too.

Your eyelids close to see Pau and Pat walk out of the room, the void quickly taking you in its embrace.

-

“Tord,” a voice calls to you. But you can’t see. Everything is black, and when you try to open your eyes, you can’t. They are stuck to your face like glue.

You try moving towards the sound, but your body refuses. You feel nothing. You are nothing. 

Then again, but closer, “Tord?”

You try to talk to the voice, but you’re choking on something that isn’t there.

“Tord, it’s me.”

Should you be scared? Call out for help? But who will help you, now? No one. Not Pau, not Pat. Because you are alone.

Weren’t you always alone?

“Tord,” it says once more, and you begin to recognize that tone. Edd. Your dear old friend. It was full of warmth and depth and empathy but you know who he really was. He lead the charge against you. He wasn’t to be trusted.

Green flashes before your eyes, but it soon fades back to the same black emptiness.

You feel a hand on your face, and it’s almost painful. Every millimeter of contact was accompanied by millions of needles, poking and prodding into your skin. It’s an odd sensation. Unpleasant, but bearable.

Fingers brush against your cheek thoughtfully, and another hand comes up to press against your temple. This time you find yourself wincing, though you still can’t hear yourself.

“...happened to you? When…” The voice starts breaking, like he’s talking into a radio and there’s a shit signal. “...left home. But why here?”

You want to ask him, ask why he’s doing this. But. You already know the answer.

“...okay?” The sound fades to a murmur. The bump of a door being shut closed.

Then, nothing.

-

Whispers and murmurs fill your ears as you regain consciousness, words overlapping each other into an endless array of vibrations. You recognize Pat and Pau’s voice somewhere, but there are others. You know them, but you can’t place names for them just yet.

You take a deep breath through your nose and back out, opening your eyelids to a darkening room. Small, orange glows of light shines through the window, and although you strain your head to see the clock, you can’t turn it without unsuccessfully pulling hard on the restraints. 

The room is empty, but still the voices are persistent. You figure whoever Pat and Pau are talking to are right outside the room.

Then, silence as you hear, “He’s awake.”

You pull a little on your arms and legs, testing the bands. Yeah, you weren’t getting out of this one easily. You could hardly lift yourself off the mattress.

The door opens, and there they are, just like from the days you left them.

Green. Purple. Blue.

Well, shit.


	3. The Fall

The moment you make eye contact with Edd, you send him the hardest glare you can muster. He’s got a cleverly surprised reaction, followed by a manipulative sadness. What was he playing at?

He breaks your connection, so you look over to Tom and Matt. They haven’t changed a bit. In fact, it was almost concerning to see them still don their colored hoodies. Where were their Green Resistance uniforms?

Come to think of it, Pau and Pat weren’t wearing their Red Army uniforms, either. Were they yesterday? You can’t remember.

And you. You look down to see your old red hoodie. You’re not surprised that you don’t have your Red Leader jacket. Why would they let you keep it, anyways?

As you examine the situation, you realize no one’s said a word since they entered. You notice the way they look at you, like they’re dissecting you with their eyes. Like you’re some bug.

“Tord?” Edd approaches you at the side of the bed, “I, um. It’s been a long time.”

“A long time?” You snarl at him with every drop of bitterness you could muster. “And how much longer do you plan on keeping the world in ruin?”

Edd’s face looks so… pained. Concern floods into his features. Just like the way Pau looked at you before.

You know it’s all part of his act. He’s pretending. He’s got a motive, but you don’t know what for. Not yet.

“Is this about… You think I’m part of some… Green Resistance?”

The way he talks is so undermining, like you’re some idiotic child. It was so convincing, his tone soft and unharming. It was almost like he actually wanted to help you.

It hurt to want the old Edd back, but you know that’ll never happen. Once you became Red Leader, things were never the same. It tears into your heart to know that Edd might have still spoke to you like a friend, if only you didn’t do the things you did back then.

“Don’t mock me,” you snap. “You can stop pretending.”

You didn’t realize how good of an actor Edd was until now, with his torn expression and genuine words. Looking back, you see Pat, Pau, Matt and Tom stand back. Watching. You can barely believe it when you see the same pain strewn over their faces. 

What the fuck what Edd getting at? Even Tom, the drunk with a resting bitch face, looked hurt. And sober.

“Fuck, Edd,” you say when the other man said nothing. “How far did you have to go? And of all people, you do it to them.”

“What are you talking about?” The man in green above you chokes, and you’re honestly surprised to see tears crawl down his cheeks. His voice is low, “What did you think I did?”

Rage engulfs you. What did HE do? He’s asking YOU? You push against the restraints on your bed with all your force, the bands digging into your skin. You see Pau, Pat and Tom step forward. The bed shakes underneath you.

“What the fuck HAVEN’T you done? Look the fuck around you, Edd! What do you want me to do? Admit that you won? Well, here you fucking have it. YOU. WON.”

You’re shaking. You have the incredible urge to hurt him, hurt the man that did this to you, did this to your friends, did this to the world. He’s betrayed everything and everyone. He’s got everyone in his grasp and he knows it.

Edd cups his mouth behind his hands, shaking his head no. He takes a few uncertain steps back, and Matt takes one of his arms in comfort. Tom looks down at you with something akin to confusion and a glare.

You slow down your struggles as the anger fades. Didn’t Edd have pride? Would he really get himself to cry just for show? He didn’t even make his point or defend himself. No awful pun or witty comeback. Just… Tears.

“I think it was just us two that knew about this place before,” Pat explains to the trio. You frown. “Tord has a lab down in the basement, and we think it’s got to do something with what he’s experiencing now. If he somehow caused it, I’m hoping he was making some sort of cure.” 

Pau nods, “Did you guys want to go down to look at it? Since you guys used to be close friends you might know more. While…” He gives a pointed glance at you.

Tom sighs, gaining the attention of the others in the room. “It doesn’t matter. You guys realize that there’s no ‘cure,’ right? There’s no such thing as curing Tord’s…” He trails off, as though uttering the words was bad luck.

“You capitalistic cock suckers realize I’m right here, right?” You spit. “And what the fuck are you trying to cure? My sanity? Sorry,” you say, sarcasm dripping off your words like venom. “I’m already sane.”

They all just stare at you, not sure what to say.

“Tord, we just want to help you,” Matt says quietly in the back, still holding Edd close. 

“How does destroying my life and brainwashing my friends help me?”

A pause. More surprised expressions. You’re starting to get tired of seeing it.

Pat looks to the man in blue, “Tom, is it?”

Tom nods.

“I’m not sure this is just any case of whatever Tord has. We’re sure he did this to himself.”

“How is that possible? Drugs?”

“Sort of.”

“What is this? Not even going to interrogate me for it? Just going to discuss it front of me like I’m fucking deaf?” You interject. “That’s kind of sad, Edd. Considering Red Leader would’ve done a better job already.”

“Who’s that?” Edd says, done crying, but voice still weak. “Red Leader.”

“What?” You’re incredulous. Astounded. Whatever Edd was getting to, you didn’t understand. “What the actual fuck? Do you still expect me to buy into your act?”

“What act!?” Edd says, leaning forward. He’s getting frustrated, “Tord, please help me understand you! I’m not doing anything to you!”

“What do you want me to say?” Your face contracts into exasperation. Still, Edd’s face betrays nothing. He looked so genuinely naive. “Infamous Red Army leader? Renowned battle strategist? Expert mechanical engineer?”

When Edd still looked vexxed, you lost it. “Me! ME! I’M RED LEADER, YOU FUCK! I lead millions of loyal men for the cause of justice! For a better world! And you killed them all! I was so goddamn close, too! How could you have the nerve to stop me and now pull this shit?!”

“Tord, you need to calm the hell down,” Tom warned.

“Or what?” You demanded, “Will Edd make you do something? Or are you willingly on his side?”

Pat steps in, “This has gone far enough. Some of us need to go down to the lab and find something to help him, and the rest needs to stay here to keep an eye on him.”

Pau nods in agreement, already at the door, “Edd, I think you should come with us.”

Edd was clearly still stricken, but exited without another word.

“Wait, if Edd’s going, I’m coming too,” Matt supplied, following suit. 

Pau shrugs, “You gonna be okay, Tom?”

Tom frowns, “I might need a drink, but I’ll be fine.”

“You didn't answer my question,” you say as Pau leaves, closing the door behind him. 

“Do I need to?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll assume the worst.”

“What’s that?” He comes a little closer to you, looming high above you from your spot on the bed. 

“I don’t see why I have to bother telling you.” You meet his eyes head on. You’re not backing down. “Especially when we both know what that is.”

Tom sighs, sitting down on the edge of your bed. He turns his body to face you. “What do you think of me? Am I still a jerk to you?”

You stare at him for a moment, trying to look past into whatever he’s hiding. He studies you back with a blank stare. Damn those black eyes. You could never read into them.

“You’ve still got your fire,“ you say begrudgingly. 

Tom smiles, which is unnerving to you, “And so do you. Can’t believe it was a few years since I’ve last seen you.”

“A lot has changed.”

“Not that much.”

You shrug. 

“Can’t believe we’re talking like normal people, y’know? We always yelled at each other before.”

You give him a look, “Well, after what Edd did, you were no longer my prime enemy.”

“Aren’t I, though? You seem to think I work for him.”

“I don’t doubt it, if you’re on his side.”

“Tord,” he begins hesitantly. “Where do you think we are?”

“My former Red Army base.”

Tom sighs, looking away. “No. We’re in an abandoned hospital. This whole area was demolished a few months ago.”

You narrow your eyes at Tom, “Don’t pull the same shit, Tom. I hated you back then, and I still don’t like you now. Pretending the Red Army doesn’t exist isn’t helping.”

“Sure,” is all he says, tone blunt, sight fixed on the floor. You can’t see his face.

There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, and you don’t know what to make of it. You remember your rivalry with Tom all those years ago, of course you did. You never forgot the trio, not even before they reameraged as the resistance to your cause. You would think of them often, wondering how it could’ve gone if you had just stayed.

“Can you untie me?” You say, breaking the silence.

Tom gives you a guarded look, “Why?”

“I need to piss.”

The blue hooded man chuckled at that, “I think we should wait until the rest come back. Plus, seeing my old enemy tied down helplessly is pretty nice.”

“No,” you say, squirming in the bed. “I need to fucking piss. Like, now.”

Tom’s eyes flick between your own two eyes, like he was searching for the truth. He takes a little longer to think about it than you’d like, but then he sighs. “Alright. Just promise not to go all crazy on me.”

“Promise.”

He gets to work undoing the ties, and one by one your limbs are freed. You roll your joints around, stretching out your muscles.

“Fuck, that gets uncomfortable fast,” you say with a yawn. “Now, can you give me some privacy?”

The other man gets up, and heads towards the door. You watch him closely, seeing his hand go up to the doorknob.

You distantly realize that it was already getting darker. Moonlight floats out from the window. Now that you can, you glance at the clock. 7:00. It was night. The dark sky always seemed to shine brighter in the fall.

As Tom opens the door, you act quickly. You dash to the door before he can even step out, grabbing his hoodie and throwing him back. You use the momentum to help you fling yourself out the door, and you close it before he can get up.

There’s a keyhole to lock it, but nothing more. As you scan the hallway, there wasn’t anything you could jam it with. Fuck. You can’t lock him in. 

So you make a break for it.

You sprint across long hallways and down curling stairs. There were no building lights to guide you, but the moonlight that shone through the windows was enough to get by. As you pass rooms, you’re unsettled. They were all empty.

“TORD!” You can hear Tom calling after you, and you’re sure he’s calling out all the other Green soldiers. You didn’t know where they were but it didn’t matter. You push yourself a little harder, just a little faster.

The pats of their footsteps on the floor echo tauntingly, but you don’t dare look back. You fear seeing the mass of men that were after you.

Suddenly the walls seemed to pulse to the rhythm of the steps. They contracted in and out, and you could no longer hold out a hand to them for balance. A ringing in your ears sounded, soon followed by the rushing of blood with every pulse.

So you tripped.

And you fell.


	4. Not Right

“Tord!” The words are shouted into your ears. “Tord, are you okay?!”

Your head spins, and your body aches. Your eyes open to a blur of surroundings. You think you made it to the next floor.

There’s someone next to you. Blue sweeps your peripheral vision. Tom. Of course he got to you first. 

Hands are pushing you up to a sitting position, and your vision starts to clear. You see black eyes look at you with what you think is concern. 

“Get off me,” you snarl through clenched teeth. “Get off.”

He stops, and you balance yourself on the cold floor with your hands. You notice there’s no one else around yet, but you hear echoed footsteps coming your way from the stairwell. When he sits back, you make your move. 

Pushing off with your left hand from the ground you swing with your right. It hits across his cheek, Tom not being being able to dodge the surprise attack. He’s thrown down by the force, and you stand up quickly.

That is, you try to. As you lift yourself up, sharp pain bites into your right leg, splinters shooting through your muscles. You stumble, but catch yourself as you land on your hands.

“Fuck,” you gasp, looking down to see your leg twisted in an unnatural way. You quickly bring your gaze back forward, biting down on another shout.

You hear Tom getting back up, and right when you feel him moving by you, you spin around, and kick him out under his feet with your working leg. It doesn’t hit quite the way you expected, but it’s still effective. He loses his balance, and you take the opportunity to launch yourself, wrapping yourself around him like a hug to take him down.

You both land with a thud, and you quickly bring him in a chokehold, “Tell them to go away.”

“No,” he claws at your arms, but you hold fast. You weren’t in an army for nothing. 

“Fuck you Tom,” because at this point all he was good for was as a hostage. You knew him too well to really think he would do as you asked, even if it meant certain death.

“We’re trying to help you, shithead,” Tom makes out with gasps for air in between. “We don’t want to hurt you.”

You press against his throat harder, and he shuts up. “Don’t you try that shit on me.”

It’s a little awkward because since you can’t stand, you’ve got Tom in your lap. Not to mention, your right leg still feels like it’s on fire, but the adrenaline from your little fight helps the pain. 

Yet, in the end you’ll get what you want. Small things like this didn’t matter.

Tom was still trying to writhe from your grasp as they appeared. Pat and Paul seemed relatively collected, but Edd and Matt huffed in exhaustion from the flights of stairs. Your lab was like a maze, and deep under. You’re surprised Edd and Matt were able to keep up with your former soldiers, however tired they were now.

Where were the other Green Resistance soldiers?

“Let him go, Tord,” Pau says carefully, but you hear the fear in his voice. He thinks you’re going to really hurt Tom.

“Let me out and I’ll think about it,” you bite.

“Tord,” Pat warns in his calm voice. He gently raises his arms to a level position, showing empty hands in a non-threatening gesture. “Let’s work something out. You’re hurt. You won’t get far. Let us help you.”

A spike of anger courses through you. You hate it when they’re right. Yet, you can’t let them get you back. They’ll never take their eyes off of you after this. Soon, you’ll be in a real jail cell with green uniforms surrounding you at all times. 

Perhaps Edd would be particularly cruel and have Pat and Pau guard you, taunting you of what you had before.

You won’t let yourself get caught up in that nightmare. 

Tom shudders under you, and you let up for him to breathe in a few puffs of air before you tighten your arms around his neck again. You have to show them you’re not afraid.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. I won’t kill Tom and the rest of you stay where you are. Until I am out of sight, don’t take another step forward.”

You glance behind you to see how long it would take for you to get out. This was the lobby, and you’d have to maneuver around a few chairs until you could get to the door.

Wait.

This was a lobby.

A reception desk greets your eyes as you scan the large room. A dusty television set hangs low from the ceiling, and fake plants line corroded window panes. Outside is an empty parking lot.

You feel Tom’s tense body fall limp. You immediately let go, scooting yourself away from him, from them. Your mind feels heavy. What was happening? 

Something’s not right.

Edd shoots forward, checking Tom for a pulse with anxiety heavy in the air. He sighs in relief after a few seconds and announces, “He’s alive.”

Pat and Pau rush to you, and you think fast, taking a brittled foldable chair next to you and use it as a shield.

“Where the fuck did you take me?” You demand, but they easily sweep the chair from your hands and you’re defenseless. “This isn’t the base. But just before we were…”

Thoughts become jumbled. You know they didn’t move you, at least not in between when they took you to the bunke- no. The seclusion room? Before you were knocked unconscious, the building held resemblance to where you are now. To the color of the walls, the tile of the floor, even the smell of the damn place was familiar.

Something’s not right. 

_Something’s not right. Something’s not right. Something’s not right. Something’s not right. Something’s not right something’s not right something’s not right something’s not right something isn’t-_

The world is spinning, a blur of color and light that give your head a painful throb. You close your eyes. Your arms are being hefted up on either side of you before you realize what they’re doing. 

Your body hangs limp as you try to focus on something, anything that makes sense to you. Where did this lobby come from? You search your brain for answers, scraping at every angle there was to the situation. Logically, what did this mean?

Had Edd installed some lounging room for his recruits? But he had just invaded the base, right? Unless you had been asleep in that room for much longer than you thought. But none of it explained why the place looked so… abandoned.

An abandoned hospital, Tom said. But you know you can’t trust him.

Was Edd on a cheap streak and he couldn’t afford new things? But what about the empty parking lot? 

You summon enough energy to try and twist your head to look back through the windows, but your vision’s blocked by Pat and Pau at either side of you. Maybe you didn’t see it right the first time.

Or maybe they had relocated you to somewhere that just so happened to look and feel similar to your base. But what were the chances of that?

Perhaps they had drugged you, and you were hallucinating the lobby altogether. So far, it seemed likely.

Yet, where were his soldiers? The rooms were empty on your way here, and you don’t see any in the room with you now. Shouldn’t Edd have top-notch security? Guards?

Okay, Tord. Stop thinking. You need to escape. Get out of here. Leave this place, find any of your surviving soldiers and regroup to plan revenge and take back what was yours.

Your eyes open to confirm why your legs feels like they’ve been dragged across miles of concrete. Pat and Pau were in the process of taking you back up the stairs. You can’t tell which floor you’re at yet. You glance down to look at your broken leg, but your pants cover it too well to tell if it’s gotten better or worse. If you go by the burning feeling, you infer it definitely hasn’t improved.

Ahead you see the forms of Edd and Matt carrying Tom up the stairs. They were a fair distance away, so you find the will to speak to your ex-best friends. A stab of guilt and betrayal fills your gut as you start. 

“Pat. Pau. Are you-?”

You choke. You have to remind yourself that there wasn’t any hope left for them. But a part of you desperately wanted to think otherwise, that maybe they were just playing along so that in the future, they’d help you bust out.

They look down at you, and you feel their gaze pierce into the top of your head. They’re silent for a brief moment, but then Pat answers in a surprisingly reassuring voice, “Tord, we’re not against you. Please trust us.”

You feel Pau nod in support, but you shake your head, swallowing hard. “No,” you say softly. “You’d help me out of now if you weren’t.”

“Let’s talk about this another time,” Pat says, and you’re taken aback. Pau gives Pat a look, but you hardly notice. A burst of hope enters your chest, and for the first time since this whole mess started, you smile. They were with you. You still have them. Edd can’t win.

Edd won’t win.

Pat and Pau finally drag you up the last step, and the group quickly made their way back to your room. Edd and Matt dropped Tom off in an adjacent room, but Edd comes back to yours.

“I suppose we’ve learned our lesson,” Pat says, guiding you to the bed and beginning to restrain you. You search his face, and he winks at you. You silently exhale the anxiety building up in you.

“Yeah,” Edd says in a reserved tone. “No more leaving Tord alone with one person. We’ll have to ask Tom what happened so we don’t make the same mistake again.”

Edd’s arms are folded across his chest, so defensively that it’s like he’s subtly protecting himself from you.

It hurts more than it should. He’s your enemy. There’s no looking back to what he thought of you before, now.

“We’ll try our best to fix whatever’s wrong with his leg. It seems like he hurt himself when fighting with Tom.”

Edd gives a forced smile, probably too worried about Tom to be grateful for Pau and Pat’s compliant help. He leaves, and for the next half hour, your former comrades do their best to restore your leg.

They work in silence. You suppose you can’t discuss plans of escape when your captors are just in the next room.

When they finish, you smile once more, “Thank you.”

“Of course, Red Leader.”

“Pat, what-” Pau tries.

Pat leads Pau out before another word can be spoken. The world is heavy and you close your eyes. You contently let yourself go to a dreamless void.


	5. Cause and Effect

You find yourself asking about Tom’s wellbeing, to your own disgust.

“He’s doing better,” Edd says with a forced grin. But that’s the most he’ll say to you nowadays.

You’re all -except Tom- gathered at some cafeteria looking room. You’ve stopped bothering to question the why’s and how’s. 

Pau has a handcuff attached to your left hand that connects to his right. Eating breakfast has never been so difficult, but you suppose you better get used to it.

At least, until you come up with a plan to get out. 

But the idea of escape alludes you. You’re either locked in your room, tied to your bed, or handcuffed to someone. Even when tied up with Pau or Pat, you aren’t left alone with them. Edd and Matt find ways to stick around, and it’s putting a damper on organizing a plan with your two closest friends.

Although, you think, escaping is much harder when walking with a limp. Instead of crutches, you’ve got a handcuffed partner to lean on for support.

Ah, well. It should be fine. You have Pau and Pat, and that’s the most you could ask for.

Edd and Matt give you side glances every once in a while as they all ate. You ignore them. 

Breaking the silence, Pat suddenly speaks, his words echoing loudly from the difference of noise, “I need to speak with you guys.”

Edd frowns, “Is something wrong? Well, worse than now?”

Pat shakes his head, then looks at you, smiling in the corner of his mouth so only you would see. “No, everything’s fine. I just need to discuss something.”

Was this the master plan Pat was concocting all by himself? Is the time for escape today? Your heartbeat quickens in anticipation. You try your best not to smile.

“Well. Okay. Pau, are you gonna take Tord back up?”

You feel Pat nudge Pau, and he nearly chokes on his food, “Uh, yeah, once I finish this.”

Edd looks concerned, “Well, we know what happened last time we left him with one person…”

“It’ll be fine, Pau’s almost done and Tord’s leg is still injured… So just. Come with me for a second.”

Pat leads the two back up to Tom’s room. Before they disappear around a corner to the stairwell, Pat flashes a pointed look at Pau. Pau nods.

You let yourself break a grin. “You guys have it planned, right? Did Pat tell you?”

Pau shushes you, “Yeah, Pat told me. He’ll be back soon, and then we can go.”

He looked and sounded hesitant. You wonder why. Was the plan flawed, and he knew it? 

“Well, since we’re alone, should we get a head start? Where’s the nearest exit?”

You hear shouts coming from the rooms upstairs. You jump up from the table seat, but quickly lower yourself down once you felt the sharp pain emit from your still-healing leg. 

“C’mon, Pau, let’s go!” He was still seated. He was finished with his breakfast, so you didn’t know what was holding him back. “Isn’t Pat taking them out now? We gotta leave before the soldiers come out!”

“No!” Pau says hurriedly. There’s something wrong with his expression. You know Pat and Pau were much closer than you could ever be, but this isn’t about leaving Pat behind. Something else was going on.

“Okay,” you say dejectedly, after a moment of studying his face. “I trust you.” You weren’t sure of what was happening, but Pau was reliable.

Suddenly, Pat rounded the corner, and sprinted towards you. “Okay, let’s go!”

“How did you take them all?”

Pat shakes his head, “No time to explain. We need to get you to your lab.”

“My lab?” You ask incredulously. Pat begins to help you up with Pau. “I mean, yes, my research is there but at this point I’m sure Edd’s cleaned it out and escaping is-”

“Tord. Listen to me. We prevented them from touching it- yet. There’s still time. We need to get there and get what you were working on last.” As he speaks you’ve made it to the stairs. Time to inch your way down.

“They haven’t sweeped it? Oh thank fuck, Pat, good job. I’m not sure how much time we’ve got, but that serum is the key to success.”

Pat clears his throat, “Yes.” He takes a faulty step down, nearly tripping all three of you, but quickly balances back. “Yes, the serum, of course.”

You want to see if he’s okay, but you’re concentrating too hard on each step to risk falling.

If you weren’t trying to go as fast as you could before, the second you hear footsteps coming down, you’re practically throwing yourself down. It’s not long before you reach your lab, and you scramble to find the serum.

It was the super soldier serum, one that would promise bountiful strength and agility. You were in the throws of perfecting it when the Green Resistance came.

You grab folders of notes of research, handing them over to Pat and Pau. You stumble over to the small fridge in the back to grab the testing tubes of the serum. It’s a dangerously dark shade of violet. 

Pat grabs it, and then all of you are sprinting out. Pat tries to speak as you limp, “Tord, isn’t there anything else?”

You huff from the exertion of walking for so long with your bad leg, “The serum is the only thing that matters right now. With this, we can remake the army, but it’ll be better than ever before. This will make super soldiers.”

“And what if the serum went wrong? Did you get so far to make something that might deter it?”

“Unfortunately, I never really finished the serum… And I… But please Pat,” You’re almost back up to the lobby floor. “We can talk about this later.”

He hesitates, “I just wanted to make sure.” His tone is suddenly remorseful. Did he think you’d grab a different formula? 

You feel both of them slow down once you reach the lobby. But everything was different.

Newly plush, velvet chairs lined the room. The floor was sparkling clean, a glassy sheen creating a beautiful lighting glare. However, the new decor was quickly replaced by what you dreaded to find. Green soldiers littered every open space. Their guns pointed at you. 

You could feel their presence, the weight of their bodies surrounding you. The heat of the air from their focused breaths gave you shivers. The figures slowly began to pulse, in and out, like something inside them longed to get out

At the sight, you immediately fall to your knees. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. How did you think you were getting out of this?

“Tord?” Pau asks with concern lining his voice.

“Fuck,” you tremble. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry, Tord,” you hear Pat’s muffled voice as something hard hits you in the back of the head. 

-

Outside the door there are voices. You belatedly feel the bed beneath you, and your eyes slowly adjust to padded walls. You’re not tied to the bed, but the door is closed and you’re not feeling well enough to try to get up.

But how many goddamn times were you going to wake up from being knocked out? Unbelievable.

“-Pat, that isn’t right. You can’t just play along into his fantasies!” Edd. He’s clearly upset.

“We had to know what he was making down there. We had to know if he made some sort of cure!” Pat’s voice is hard.

Your blood boils in regret, hate, anger. Betrayal stung the most. Fuck them all. They were playing you right from the start, weren’t they? How could you ever trust them after that? Edd’s got them wrapped around his finger, and he wasn’t letting go.

You hate yourself, for the fact that you were desperate enough to believe them.

“And did he?” 

“Well, no. But we have his files on what we think caused it. I’m guessing this is the last thing he was working on, since he mentioned he never finished it. This might be what caused his illness!”

“This still isn’t right. He needs to understand he isn’t well. Tord isn’t this- this Red Leader, or whatever he calls himself. If you feed into that world, he might never get better!”

“And if I didn’t try this, would we had ever had any idea of what his shit was down there? The place is a mess of liquids and vials that don’t have labels on them. Hell, his notes are a bunch of scribbles and gibberish!”

“Let me take a look.” Tom. You didn’t expect that.

Ruffling of paper. A sigh. Tom continues, “You guys… I mean, I guess some of this makes sense. I’m no expert on what research notes are suppose to look like, but I have a feeling he might have been this sick before he was messing with this shit.”

You scoff, even though no one was there to hear you. Still, you can’t believe what you were hearing.

“Do you think any of these things are drugs?” Matt. He’s being timid. How unlike him.

“Well, they’re definitely not the usual stuff. I’ve only been down there a few times, but I didn’t recognize anything.”

“We thought he was messing with illegal drugs originally,” Pat says. “That’s why we checked up on him here to begin with. At first, we figured it was his own business to do what he wanted, but soon he spent days there, and wouldn’t come out. That’s when we intervened.”

“I don’t understand,” Pau says quietly. You strain your ears to hear him. “There were no signs. We didn’t notice anything was off until he started coming here.”

“No hallucinations? He didn’t say anything about hearing voices or seeing things that weren’t there?” Tom sounds like he knows what he’s talking about, and you wonder if it’s all bullshit or if he really does. 

You don’t hear them, so you assume they’re shaking their heads.

“So, we take him to the hospital,” Edd says determinedly. “That’s the only way he’s getting better, right? We can’t help him like this.”

“No!” Pat says aggressively, “Tord is sick and he needs help, I know that, but I can’t have my best friend going to jail! We don’t know what’s down in that lab, and for all we know, it may all be illegal. If we draw attention, Tord’s done for.”

“He’s right,” Pau says. “Tord was really secretive about this lab. He may have been hiding away in it for a reason.”

“He thinks this place is an army base. He might have just been locked away here because he thought he needed to be here all the time,” Edd reasons.

“It doesn’t matter if we think it’s okay or not. I can’t take that risk,” Pat is firm. A part of you is wishing that he’s saying these things because he cares about you, but at this point you’re not sure what they’re blathering about. Taking you to a hospital? Illegal drugs? What did that have to do with the army?

“Why would we have to tell doctors about this place anyway?” Matt asks. “I mean, can’t we just drop him off as concerned friends that don’t know much about his daily activities?”

“Doctors will ask questions. He’ll probably get a therapist, and once he starts talking about his army base, they’ll want to know more.”

“Alright guys,” Tom interjects. “How about a compromise? We can still give Tord help. For now, he stays here. I can go and get some antipsychotic drugs. Do any of us have experience with being a therapist?”

Silence. 

“Right, I didn’t think so,” Tom sighs. “Anyways, we’ll figure something out in the meantime. Now, let’s not do anything that we’ll regret later. I doubt Tord will suddenly get worse if we just hold out on a hospital now.”

You start to get out of bed. You feel a lot better than before, even considering the last thing you remember is being knocked unconscious. You feel the back of your head, and you’re relieved not to feel any terrible swelling.

“Right,” you hear Pat say, and then footsteps and a door opening and closing. Two sets of feet make their way down the hall, and you assume it’s Pat and Pau. But the voices aren’t done yet.

“How are you going to get those antipsychotics?” Matt asks.

Tom mumbles something and they exchange a few more words, but after that you don’t follow on anymore. You can’t.

Soon enough later, you hear them leave. The quiet that follows is more haunting than the tear in your heart. 

You cry, a surge of pure emotion taking control of you. You hold your head in your hands. Thoughts cloud your mind, feelings mixed from what you heard, from what you know. 

How could they do this to you? Torment you with the hope that, out of everything they took from you, you might be able to have Pat and Pau back.

They’re insane.

Your friends are insane.

And you did this to them.


	6. What You Wish You Had

You’re in your room, sitting on the edge of your bed, when it happens.

One moment you’re staring into the blank, padded walls, and the next you smell burnt cookies and alcohol. The taste of a cigar lingers on your breath. But you haven’t smoked in a while, now, have you?

Yet, the taste feels so real. You drag your tongue across the roof of your mouth and you recognize this. Your lungs draw heavy breaths full of remaining smoke.

You blink, and you’re back at the old house. You’re leaning back on the armrest of the couch, watching Edd and Matt scramble to extinguish the fire that’s emitting from the oven full of black rocks. You presume it’s the cookies they were baking. Of course, you expected nothing else, and laid back to casually enjoy the spectacle.

Tom staggers out of his room, bottle of Smirnoff in hand, to see what the fuss was about. Then you hear them, a plethora of sound that burst into your ears, as though something that’s been clogging them was removed.

Edd’s frantic instructions called over the kitchen to Matt, who was blabbering hysterically. You hear the fanning of the flames as they move. You hear yourself laugh, but you know you didn’t.

Across from you, Tom continues to make his way over to you, and he begins to dirty his putrid mouth with swears. You frown, the moment ruined by his presence. Why did he ruin everything?

But now the fire has spread, and you feel concern course through you body. If you didn’t act at this point, your room might be a victim of your housemate’s cooking crimes.

Now you feel your body move beneath you, but you’re not in control. Your eyes dart to the fire extinguisher by the front door. The fire burns brighter, and now you feel its warmth caress you from the source. Your body is running towards it, past Tom and over the couch, you’re close now and you reach for the handle and-

You take deep breaths. The heat is gone, replaced by an empty, unsatisfying luke-warm air. You open your eyes and the walls are plush and unscathed. You’re alone, and the musky smell of the room fills your nostrils. The lingering taste of smoke is replaced by the acid that’s built from your stomach. 

Someone’s pressed mute. It’s strangely calm and quiet.

You feel sick. You stagger towards the toilet bowl, ready to empty everything inside you.

As if there was anything there to begin with.

Once you’re done dry heaving, you collapse on the floor. Your head bumps against the floor, but you couldn’t care less at this point.

That was a memory. But you just re-lived it.

It felt so real, too. It felt like you were really there. It felt… good. It felt right.

Those were the times before you fucked it all up. Before you left. Before you came back. Before you stabbed them in the back and blew up the house.

Before you became Red Leader, and before Edd created the Resistance against you.

And how you wish you could really, truely, go back to those times.

You lay for what feels like hours, but you can’t tell time anymore. There’s no use looking at the clock now, anyway. Did time matter when you were going to spend the rest of your life imprisoned by the people you used to love like family?

It’s a few days later.

Tom opens the door to your room, and you don’t bother getting up from the floor.

He comes in, crouching down to handcuff him to you, and hoists you up. You stumble, but catch yourself on Tom’s arm.

Time seems to slow, and it happens again.

You’re looking down at the floor to balance yourself, when cushioned pads turn into the wood panels you remember. Tom is still besides you, but he’s got that bottle of alcohol in his hand and he looks shitfaced. Instead of the smell of burning cookies, it’s the smell of rotting flesh. The sounds of screams echo in your head, but they’re muted, like the source is underwater.

Your hands tremble before you, and you lift them to see crimson blood decorating your skin. You see Edd and Matt are laid out on the kitchen table, corpses drenched in red. The entire house is engulfed in flames, but you can’t feel them. The only sensation you experience is the wetness, the moisture dripping off your fingers.

You’ve killed them.

You’re by the couch, but quickly you’re moving forward, your arms coming up to finish what you started. You see your palms cover Tom’s neck, and his eyes are blown wide. He attempts to struggle, but you press violently harder into that fragile little throat until his pupils roll back up into the safety of his eyelids. His form drops like a ragdoll, the bottle he was holding crashing alongside him. Ruby prints adorn his pale nape.

The walls are collapsing around you. Blood drips from the ceiling, and you can feel it fall onto you like rain. Soon, everything is crumbling before you, until all is left is red ash, and three black corpses.

Your face is wet.

You begin to scream, air escaping your lungs threateningly fast. You blink out of the vision forcefully, drawing the tears that hide in your eyes. Your sight slowly begins to come into focus from the blurriness, and you see a face. You blink some more. It’s Tom’s face, grimacing in pain, and you look down to see that you’re choking him. 

Now you can feel the pads of your hands make contact with his skin, you can feel him try to make out words as his breaths escape through his larynx. It’s jumbled and broken, but not for long. You feel his hands around your arms, and you’re being pushed away, and he’s shouting something in your face, but you can’t hear him. You’re lost to some white noise that’s blaring in the back of your head.

You feel your heart pumping erratically fast, and he punches you in the face.

The sharp pain brings you to move back, but you’re still handcuffed. Adrenaline is still coursing through your veins. You’re breathing quickly, eyes wide and studying Tom. He’s angry at you, his expression tells it all.

“What’s your fucking problem, Tord?! Can’t you see me and not attack me for once?!”

You stare at him blankly, but then you see movement behind him, and your gaze becomes locked there. 

Blood seeps from the walls, slowly dripping down into the pool of blood below.

Your feet are soaked in the liquid, yet somehow still felt dry. It’s surrounding your ankles, but still climbing.

Your hands are covered in the red substance, falling between your fingers into the pool. It’s fresh. You look up to see Tom, concern and anger filling every crevice of his face.

“-ord? What the fuck- Edd! Edd, get in here! Something’s wrong!”

Your head is pounding with words of self hate. With every pulse of your brain comes the resentment.

_Throb._ “You killed them.”

_Throb._ “You did this to them.” 

The voice is gradually getting louder.

_Throb._ “Look at what you’ve done.” 

_Throb._ “Why can’t you die already?” 

It’s breathing in your ear.

_Throb._ “You deserve this.”

It’s right next to you, the words so loud and devastating and true it’s tearing you apart.

_Throb._ “You ruined everything.”

You don’t have any sense of where you are or what you’re doing until you hear him.

“Tord?”

It’s Edd. He’s alive. He sounds well.

“Tord, are you okay?” His voice is soft and careful. 

You begin to feel the ground pushing up against the side of your body. How did you end up here? You find that your hands are over your eyes, and you remove them. And there he was. Edd, with a worried face hovering over you. They must have uncuffed you, because Tom is on the other side of the room.

“Tord? Talk to us, please.” He’s sounding desperate.

“You’re dead,” you whisper from your newfound spot on the floor. 

“What?” He didn’t hear you.

“You killed them,” a voice reminds you softly.

“You’re dead,” you repeat louder. “You’re dead, I killed you. I killed you all.”

“Wh- Tord, no, we’re all still here. You didn’t do anything. Please, calm down. You’re going to be alright.”

“Liar,” the voice smiles at you. You begin to recognize that voice. It’s yours.

You break out a sob, “No, you’re all dead. You’re not Edd. Not anymore.”

You notice in your peripheral vision that the blood is gone from the room. But you focus on Edd’s face, hoping, wishing, he was his old self. 

“What do you mean?” He sounds so sad. It reminds you of when you saw him for the first time as the Green Leader. You want to cry some more, just for the fact that he seemed so… so real to you. Acted too much like the Edd you knew. But you wipe away the tears on your face and you get up.

“Get the fuck out of here, both of you.” You see Matt hovering at the door frame, but you didn’t care as long as he wasn’t inside. You dully wonder where Pau and Pat are. When they didn’t move, you shout, “OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!”

They left, leaving a bigger hole in your chest than you thought they would.

The voice is gone, too.

-

How long has it been since you’ve seen them? They’ve become more closed off from you. No more handcuffs and walks down to eat a meal. They leave food at the step of your locked door and the whispers across the room are the only signs of their existence. 

They’re afraid of you.

“They should be.”

You whip your head around to the voice, the voice you’ve heard in your head before. Your voice. It sounded too real.

It’s you in your Red Leader uniform, standing proudly near the window. He holds his hands behind him, his back straight and tall.

“Who are you?” You take a few steps back until you feel contact with the door.

“I’m you, stupid,” he smiles a wicked smile you know too well. The corners of his lips crack over tight skin. It looked like he was about to tear his face off with just his mouth. “But you already knew that. We’re too smart not to.”

“We?” You question, because what the fuck?

“Yeah. I’m you, you’re me. Not too hard to grasp, is it, genius?”

“So what are you doing here, then?” You frown, clenching your fists.

“Oh, nothing really. I mean, you’ve got a plan, right? You’re smart. You can get out easy.” His voice drips sarcasm, so condescending that it feels like he’s taunting you.

“It’s not that easy,” you fluster.

“No?” His smile drops so quickly that you’re not sure if you blacked out for a second. It’s replaced with an expression filled with disgust. He approaches you with caution, taking his hands out from behind him. “You’ve already destroyed them once, what’s the big deal now?”

“Shut up,” you bite your tongue. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Oh? You don’t have to talk to me like that, Tord. I’m on your side, aren’t I? I’m you. I only want what you do.” He brings up his right hand, reaching for your chin to tilt up.

“No!” You cry, smacking his hand out of your face. “No, I never wanted to hurt them.”

“But didn’t you?!” He’s frightening now, his face dark and aggressive. He pushes you into the door behind you, pinning you. “You WANTED them to suffer. You NEEDED them to!”

“NO!” You push back, but he’s gone. 

“Tord!” Edd shouts outside. You feel them push against your weight to pry the door open, and you step forward so they can. “Tord, what’s going on, are you okay? What’s happening?”

“We heard screaming,” Matt supplies, standing on the far side of Edd.

“I’m fine,” you force yourself to say. “Go.”

Edd takes a look around your undisturbed room, sends you a haunted look, and leaves.


End file.
